I've been trying to figure out why my head's always in fifty directions at once sometimes. In the ministry that I do my best to perform, I try to be strict with focus for myself and the team I help mediate, and that creates good results. In my own free time and work (mostly school-work) time, however, I find myself okay with high multi-tasking, little focus, and mediocre work. I think I need to learn a new way of leisure.
It may be a failed experiment soon enough, but I think that it's necessary to start making all, or at least most, of my leisure time into learning time for things that I am wanting to know on the side of my main focuses in life.
A few examples , maybe:
I am a musician, not an amazing one, but one nonetheless, and it's something I enjoy, however, I find my personal talents and gifts are more appropriately used when geared towards something where I'm leading others through figuring out systems, getting new ideas for flow of ministry, et cetera, and not creating music that is altogether not great. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite sure I could make fantastic music with practice, as I think most could, but I'm finding the lack in me for passion.
It's the same with me wanting to cultivate a good singing voice, not great, but good, but I am bad at it presently and lack the passion to trudge through the work that is required to acquire such a talent, and it's not my gift set.
It's the same with drawing, except I am much worse at that,
or learning guitar,
or knowing more about computer's hardware and software, being able to become the ultra-programmer.
I think it's time to make those things my leisure activities, instead of making my leisure wasted time cultivating something against what I am trying to create in myself. Then I can leave these activities out of my focus for all other time in my life. My life can become focused on what I need to be focused on if I want to do the completely crazy and amazing things that I know God has asked me to do and hope I am prepared to do.
I've been watching my best friend, Jordan Britton, do this for years without realizing that I should be doing it too. I think his parents did a wonderful job showing him how to be productive, all he needs sometimes is to learn or be able to rest.
I am the opposite. I am a pro at resting. I can rest three weeks away, but only get myself to work for a small amount of time. What if I turned my resting into contructive, yet restful and peaceful, time for myself? I would not only be a sufficient person withing the parameters of my own and others hopes, but a well accomplished person within the parameters of my own self-interest that do not involve my higher ambitions.
Anyway, I just remembered that I need to make myself learn within leisure, rest within work, and become the person that Jesus ultimately wants me to be. Thank you for making me happier, God. You truly do make me that way, and have never failed to in the end.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I just wrote this for my Junior Portfolio (essays in english class)
I thought it was fairly good, and thought it would be good to share.
Luke Stoltzfoos
English 3, Block 4
Junior Portfolio
11.11.09
My Oasis
An Oasis, defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “something that provides refuge, relief, or pleasant contrast.” I really like that word – contrast. It shows how I feel about an oasis. Sometimes, my oasis is somewhere covered with people, because it's different. Sometimes, I gather strength from the most quiet, desolate, and calm region I can find. A crazier oasis for me is whenever I run. I feel peace when forcing my body to do strenuous activity, especially when alone. I search these all out to form a oasis of sorts. In a way, my oasis is everywhere that differs from the norm.
A huge, crazy, thunderdome is a portion of my oasis. It's different from the everyday, clearly, but what else is there is hidden. I mean this literally, the oasis I find within large stadiums is not within the focus on the games or activities, but rather the lack of focus on me. Within a stadium or a room full of people, I can hide, think, contemplate, without many interruptions. I'm not sure there's been a time where I have been in a large group without doing one of my favorite past-times: people watching. An art that has been passed down from my mother, that is. I love to study behavior, find out why people do the things they do. I have a friend, for instance, that was once extremely apologetic for not saying thank you for a ride home. I noticed it was something he really hung on to until he was satisfied, not until the person in the car was satisfied, but further. This friend's dad has not been involved too heavily in the friend's life, and whatever the dad says, the friend idolizes. I then decided that his dad probably told him not to forget that at one point. That is the kind of people watching I enjoy. Studying why and how they became who they are. That creates an oasis in my mind. A world of imaginative reality. There are few things better.
I share part of my oasis, which I believe is everywhere, because everyday is different, as well as every situation, with others. The most common oasis I think I see is the quiet, calm, and collected place. Where everything can be in the order you want it, and everything there is something you want to be. My room is a huge oasis for me. It's where I watch my movies, answer my e-mails and messages, often I eat my food there, and it creates a living space that no one else shares or knows of. It's a place where my deep thoughts can be thought without fear of someone saying “What are you thinking about?”. I think that's incredibly important to my being – some place I can think quietly without fear. I can talk to God without any interruption, which is the most important thing there is. I can seek him and ask to hear from him, and I, thankfully, get answers quite a bit. Sometimes I think that he might just love me a little bit =]. I love my room, my space, and my quiet places. They are of dear importance to my spiritual and emotional well-being, which are quite linked.
The least understood part of my oasis is the running. When I push my body to the edge and one step further, you don't realize the cloud I fall into. Eventually, after the first few miles, its like I've run straight off of a cliff, and my legs move without any fussy complain like pain or muscle pulling. My muscles simply decide they are done feeling for the next hour, and continue to move for me. That oasis of movement without feeling is a sensation that hard work can bring. Hard work is such an oasis sometimes. Especially work like running, it's monotonous, but only if you do nothing but run. Running is not so I can get in shape all the time, or win a race. Running is my way of thought process. Running is a way to grow and expand my thought processes. My brain needs to work hard, and running makes my mind crystal clear in a way that a thunderdome or a quiet place never could. I can't hear others easily when running. I can hear my feet pounding, my chest heaving, my breath rate rising. I need that repetition. When all is repetitive, and all is continuous, my thoughts flow like nothing else. Movement is insanely necessary for strong though. Even I, the running lover, underestimate the power that physical stress has over you. When you control your body in such a way that whips it past pain and strengthens you like crazy, it makes you stronger emotionally. You've learned that control physically, and it does continue over. Many people without physical control lack emotional control, and vice versa. My grandparents amaze me in this way. My grandmother, “Grammy”, now 65, still makes us all food and clears brush at their cabin, while my grandfather, “Gramps”, now 71, still takes out his four-wheeler and chainsaw for firewood on the 20 acres they own surrounding the cabin. That is the kind of hard work they've done all throughout their lives scaled down. That is their restful times, and I believe it is because they've found peace within the work. That is where the effort running takes effects me.
My oasis is not one place. It's not one solitary thing or human creation that makes me feel calm. It's exactly that: calm, peace, love. The feelings that make me feel as if I'm in one of the few safe places in the world, are actually everywhere. God provides them by making me realize how much I can rely on him and see the deep thoughts just go and go. He is truly amazing. The thoughts can come from any situation, small or large, calm or strenuous, boring or exciting. I need them, as we all do, and hope I always can identify them for what they are. My oasis is everywhere.
Luke Stoltzfoos
English 3, Block 4
Junior Portfolio
11.11.09
My Oasis
An Oasis, defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “something that provides refuge, relief, or pleasant contrast.” I really like that word – contrast. It shows how I feel about an oasis. Sometimes, my oasis is somewhere covered with people, because it's different. Sometimes, I gather strength from the most quiet, desolate, and calm region I can find. A crazier oasis for me is whenever I run. I feel peace when forcing my body to do strenuous activity, especially when alone. I search these all out to form a oasis of sorts. In a way, my oasis is everywhere that differs from the norm.
A huge, crazy, thunderdome is a portion of my oasis. It's different from the everyday, clearly, but what else is there is hidden. I mean this literally, the oasis I find within large stadiums is not within the focus on the games or activities, but rather the lack of focus on me. Within a stadium or a room full of people, I can hide, think, contemplate, without many interruptions. I'm not sure there's been a time where I have been in a large group without doing one of my favorite past-times: people watching. An art that has been passed down from my mother, that is. I love to study behavior, find out why people do the things they do. I have a friend, for instance, that was once extremely apologetic for not saying thank you for a ride home. I noticed it was something he really hung on to until he was satisfied, not until the person in the car was satisfied, but further. This friend's dad has not been involved too heavily in the friend's life, and whatever the dad says, the friend idolizes. I then decided that his dad probably told him not to forget that at one point. That is the kind of people watching I enjoy. Studying why and how they became who they are. That creates an oasis in my mind. A world of imaginative reality. There are few things better.
I share part of my oasis, which I believe is everywhere, because everyday is different, as well as every situation, with others. The most common oasis I think I see is the quiet, calm, and collected place. Where everything can be in the order you want it, and everything there is something you want to be. My room is a huge oasis for me. It's where I watch my movies, answer my e-mails and messages, often I eat my food there, and it creates a living space that no one else shares or knows of. It's a place where my deep thoughts can be thought without fear of someone saying “What are you thinking about?”. I think that's incredibly important to my being – some place I can think quietly without fear. I can talk to God without any interruption, which is the most important thing there is. I can seek him and ask to hear from him, and I, thankfully, get answers quite a bit. Sometimes I think that he might just love me a little bit =]. I love my room, my space, and my quiet places. They are of dear importance to my spiritual and emotional well-being, which are quite linked.
The least understood part of my oasis is the running. When I push my body to the edge and one step further, you don't realize the cloud I fall into. Eventually, after the first few miles, its like I've run straight off of a cliff, and my legs move without any fussy complain like pain or muscle pulling. My muscles simply decide they are done feeling for the next hour, and continue to move for me. That oasis of movement without feeling is a sensation that hard work can bring. Hard work is such an oasis sometimes. Especially work like running, it's monotonous, but only if you do nothing but run. Running is not so I can get in shape all the time, or win a race. Running is my way of thought process. Running is a way to grow and expand my thought processes. My brain needs to work hard, and running makes my mind crystal clear in a way that a thunderdome or a quiet place never could. I can't hear others easily when running. I can hear my feet pounding, my chest heaving, my breath rate rising. I need that repetition. When all is repetitive, and all is continuous, my thoughts flow like nothing else. Movement is insanely necessary for strong though. Even I, the running lover, underestimate the power that physical stress has over you. When you control your body in such a way that whips it past pain and strengthens you like crazy, it makes you stronger emotionally. You've learned that control physically, and it does continue over. Many people without physical control lack emotional control, and vice versa. My grandparents amaze me in this way. My grandmother, “Grammy”, now 65, still makes us all food and clears brush at their cabin, while my grandfather, “Gramps”, now 71, still takes out his four-wheeler and chainsaw for firewood on the 20 acres they own surrounding the cabin. That is the kind of hard work they've done all throughout their lives scaled down. That is their restful times, and I believe it is because they've found peace within the work. That is where the effort running takes effects me.
My oasis is not one place. It's not one solitary thing or human creation that makes me feel calm. It's exactly that: calm, peace, love. The feelings that make me feel as if I'm in one of the few safe places in the world, are actually everywhere. God provides them by making me realize how much I can rely on him and see the deep thoughts just go and go. He is truly amazing. The thoughts can come from any situation, small or large, calm or strenuous, boring or exciting. I need them, as we all do, and hope I always can identify them for what they are. My oasis is everywhere.
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